Udpate

In case you're wondering, Life in my mind still is going on, I just haven't had the discipline to sit down and reflect at the computer. One of the reasons I started this blogging thing is because I heard an interview with Micheal Spencer (aka "The Internet Monk") on Steve Brown Etc. One of the reasons he cited for blogging was that he was frustrated with the publishing process, and wanted to find a place to practice the craft of writing. This encouraged me, eventhough I am just a fledgling writer who is frustrated with the craft itself!!! It takes some real disipline, like most things worth doing, and I'm struggling to find a way to fit it in amid juggling kids' schedules, piles of laundry, plan books for my classes, and taking care of the people I love, including myself.
But if writing is a gift of mine, and blogging is an answer to my prayer to find an outlet and an audience fot it, then what is stopping me? The words from Oswald Chamber classic devotional My Utmost for His Highest hit me right between the eyes today -- from the Feb. 20 devotion, "Dreaming about a thing in order to do it is right, but dreaming about it when we should be doing it is wrong. ... Dreaming after God has spoken is an indication that we do not trust Him."
God has given me the dream -- ever since I was a girl I delighted in reading books, for in them I found a place where I could find companionship. As a pre-teen I began writing as a way to vent my thoughts and feelings. As a teenager I dreamt of seeing my own words in print. During that time, I spent many weekends at my grandparents house. We drove 20-30 minutes down Little Conestoga road, and for about 24 hours I relished the attention I received as the only nearby granddaughter. I found a place where I could escape the near constant teasing and bickering of my four brothers, and enjoy the freedom to sleep in on Saturday mornings (and fix french toast with powdered sugar and syryp!!) In the spare room where I slept on those visits was an antique witing desk, at which I dreamt I would some day write the "Great American Novel." This was, and is, with many "visions and revisions," my dream -- a God-given dream.
So, afer reading Chambers words today, I swallow hard, let everything else wait a moment or two, and sit to blog. What follows may be just ramdom musings, rambling, and seemingly incoherent thoughts, but out of it all, it is my prayer that some insights will emerge.
This spring, my husband and I spent a weekend in Memphis. One of the musicians at a blues cafe described the musical history of Memphis this way (and I paraphrase) -- It's where the poor black south met the poor white south, and the unique blend of rhythm, gospel, blues, and soul music was born. I got to thinking about that, and how I as a middle-class white woman, have grown to appreciate that sort of music, and even became comfortable on Beale Street. A line from Christian Contemporary song by Casting Crowns comes to mind "My Jesus would never be accepted in my church. The blood and dirt on his feet might stain the carpet...He spent his time with thieves and robbers...I think that he'd prefer Beale Street to this stained glass crowd." The freedom that has come from living in God's Grace has allowed me to be comfortable there -- conversing with the belhops and shoe shines in the hotel lobby, smiling and chatting with the housekeeper as she cleaned our hotel room and the cashier who rang me up at the gift shop. How did I get there, and does that make me more Christ-like? Hmmm... I'm not sure how I got there, but I think it has something to do with giving up the persona that I'm a middle-class white woman who efficiently administers the daily tasks for a family of six, and still takes the time to work-out, fix homemade meals, keep a spotless house, carefully preserve all those childish art projects, bring home a healthy paycheck, and do it all with a smile. I totally give it up!!! I can't fake it anymore, and most of the time I don't even try. I refuse to live with the guilt and shame that I don't measure up. Maybe I have friends in low places because I have been in low places.
Wow. Now if I left it there, you wouldn't believe me, or maybe you'd at least wonder. "What could she possibly have done?" I won't go into that now, but I'll just end with a quote from Steve Brown of Keylife Ministries (www.keylife.org) --"The only people that ever get any better are the people that realize that if they NEVER get any better, God will still love them." Now isn't that a relief? The pressure is off. God's love is not performance based. He uses us despite our weakness, and sometimes even because of them, because then His strength takes over.
So, GO GOD -- this girl is done for now.