STUPID!!! I can’t log in to my blogger account, too many stinkin’ passwords to remember (didn’t want anyone impersonating me, so I made up a REALLY secure password, … DUH!) And Facebook – well you think I could find the wall post where I listed my web address? Not without looking at flair, putting birthdays on my virtual calendar and being goaded into taking a ridiculous IQ test because 4 people in my town think I’m STUPID! Well, tell me something I didn’t know!
Ok, so now that I got all of my acceptable expletives and self-depreciating humor out of my system, on to the real business of blogging…
The book, The Last Addiction, Why Self Help is Not Enough, by psychologist Sharon A. Hearsh has deeply affected my thinking in the past few weeks. Hearsh writes:
“What keeps those who struggle with addiction in a prison of negativity, self-hatred, and alienation from others? It’s the last addiction, a belief that I must somehow be good enough and an honest realization that no matter how hard I try, I can’t do it. When these two beliefs stand alone - I must do it and I can’t do it -the natural response is self-contempt...The sense of being forgiven - forgiven for my failures, my foolish attempts, my lifelong strategies of being in control - does not result from my effort. That’s the last addiction. It comes only from openness.”
Hence, my blog – a relatively safe place to reveal the thoughts and struggles in my mind and soul, to admit my weaknesses and even laugh at blunders. Allowing myself to put myself down reveals that self-contempt I feel when I mess up. The openness I allow myself in this blog is my attempt to defeat the “last addiction.” And I see now that the only antidote to that tireless monster is Grace. I need it, at times desperately. Only whe I see my desperate need for help, does the Holy Spirit nudges herself gently into my consciousness, softly and gently reminding me of lessons I’ve learned before (John 14:26). And so I see, with serendipitous clarity, how the Father’s love cascades down on me, cleansing and refreshing me. And I see how Jesus, our brother, longed to gather me as a hen her chicks, and when I wasn’t willing, he still sacrificed Himself for me.
And so, even though I haven’t met my goal of completing a short blog before midnight, I have begun the process, trying to be faithful, and praising God for the epiphany I’ve experienced in the trying – namely that it’s not about me, but about that beautiful 3-in-1 being we call Abba, Lord & Savior, and Holy and Mysterious Counselor…. Prince of Peace, King of Kings, Alpha and Omega, Immanuel – God with us, Jehovah Jiarah, Adonai, … Goodnight… You ARE The Man!
Hearsh, Sharon A., The Last Addiction, Why Self Help is Not Enough (Colorado Springs, CO: Waterbrook Press, 2008), p. 122.
